Monday, May 25, 2009

4 months | Mornington Peninsula baby photography


For a moment I can't believe it's been 4 months already. And then I remember back to the days in Special care. Feeling like we were taking a step forward, only to come crashing back down with a huge step backwards. Not being able to hold her, to smell her, to feel her breath on my neck. Wondering if she even knew I was her mumma, when her nurses touched her so much more than I could. And then off to Royal Childrens for cardiac care, and the trips in there every day. The hours spent in traffic or on the train every morning, and again every night. Carting an esky bag full of frozen breast milk into the city with me every day. Feeling like making milk for her was the only thing I could do for her. Setting my alarm every 3hours to wake up and express. Trying new medications and new doses and waiting and waiting to see how she reacted with each one. Being told we could bring her home. Being scared out of my mind at the responsiblily of caring for a baby with a cardiac condition. Waking up while she was still asleep, just to listen to her heart. Not being able to hear her heart beating, over the beating of my own tumping through my head.
Yeah, it feels like 4 years actually. But the longer she's home, and without any problems, the more confident we become. She's such a little blessing and such an adored addition to our family.

2 comments:

Carolina said...

PTL God's plans are higher than ours and he can see past what we can see. She is such a precious blessing :)

Karina Mahoney said...

A very teary post indeed.....did you manage to type that without crying? I think I know the answer to that one. She is changing so much. Look how far you have all come and be very proud.